hold together

I texted a friend today, saying, "i feel like i'm falling apart."
I had just found out that what i thought was ringworm, was really an autoimmune skin thing.
She was encouraging and responded with the fact that i'm a mom and i've just moved (again) and trying to settle in.
The nurse at the clinic asked if i had been under a lot of stress.  I said, no.
Really, i think i am crazy,delusional.  I was equating stress with anxiety and depression i have struggled with in the past.  And while i am no longer in that dark place, i am in a chaotic place.
Thank you, God for encouragement today.  The tears came.  And the holy spirit was there.
The pharmacist saw me and my stir crazy, not listening kids and even said things like, you are doing a good job, be strong, only you can be their mom.
I am falling apart.
But Christ holds me together.
Colossians 1:17
"He is before all things, and in him all things hold together."

scavenger hunt

i don't keep a very clean house.  i just don't.  when i had one kid i feel like i really kept things together.  i could keep the house clean and things in their place.  i was never behind on laundry.  i cooked and then cleaned up the kitchen.  that feels like another lifetime.  and something happened when i had two kids.  i started getting behind.  and then throw in a third child and i was hopeless....still trying to remember how to have good habits two years later.

anyway...

wednesday night, i was actually trying to clean something.  i was scrubbing marker out of the carpet.  the baby - she's 2 and not potty trained - was going around the house diaperless because the doc had recommended that to help with a certain irritation she was dealing with.  so while i am scrubbing the marker stain, my middle runs to me and says that baby's bottom hurts.  i check her bare bottom and notice the signs that she has done number 2.  where?  i have no idea.

"cora, where did you poo poo?"

she has no idea and cannot show me.

lee yells from the kitchen - "poo poo scavenger hunt"

i walked around our 1400 sq. feet and could not find it.

we are moving in about 10 days so i thought, well, i guess we'll find it when we move!

a little bit later, i found it.  and i was scrubbing another stain out of the carpet.

a mother's day story

a mother's day story...

on mother's day i found myself in a very small bathroom at a chinese restaurant with my 6 year old son and 4 year old daughter.  we all had to go.  one toilet.  typical situation when we go out to eat.  4 year old girl hops on the potty first.  6 year old boy says with lots of little boy attitude, "you should have let mommy go first.  it's mother's day, ya know.  it's not sister's day!"

when will i get to go pee by myself again on a regular basis?

this year, my kids are 2, 4, 6.  this means i am usually outnumbered.  i am often overwhelmed.   my house is always dirty.

i want to be real, and i also don't want to take any of it for granted. 

they are the cutest, funniest, and most forgiving people i know.  (include my husband in that list.)

so yeah, life is fun.  i'm moving for the second time in less than a year with 3 small kids.
everything is under control.  nothing to see here.  :-)

he's 35! shhh!

today is hubby's birthday.  he's 35!  shhh!  he's not sure how he feels about that. 

i am laughing right now, because he is one of about 3 people who read this.

lee, i love you.  as we start another year together, i can't help but think of last year.  one day i'm gonna write about it.  i think we missed both of our birthdays as we were apart so much.  i'm glad you are with me and that really you always were. 

today is a wednesday, and you have a meeting this evening.  so we will "celebrate" tomorrow i hope.  i will try to cook a decent dinner to make up for last night's "oh, shoot, there's no meat in the freezer like i thought there was."  and then we will go to chick fil a for your fave, a milkshake.

phoebe is very sad that you will not have a birthday cake.  it's okay, her birthday is next and only 2 weeks away.

thanks for building the retaining wall near the road so that i have a level spot for the garbage can that is bigger than me.  now i don't have to worry about the garbage can forcing me down into the gulley and dumping last week's trash all over me.  hahaha.  it really is a big deal.

happy birthday!  i blogged.

inside-it-out

"i can inside-it-out."

i love how 3 year olds use the English language.  this is what my phoebe says when she has a shirt or pair of pants that is inside out.  i tell her i will fix it for her, but she insists on doing it herself.  she really can "inside-it-out".  and i'm thrilled, because i'm pretty sure her 6 six year old brother still struggles a little with that skill.

a different kind of underwear

Baby's new word is "shoes".  However, her favorite word to use right now is "ow."  She walks around saying "Ow" over and over and then laughing.  She also gets hurt alot, falling off of something or getting her leg or foot stuck in something or hitting her chin or mouth on something - so she uses the word a lot anyway.  17 months old. 

I'm ready for mosquito season to end!!!

Baby definitely screamed all the way to the bus stop this morning.  But was happy on the way back.  And we were on time for the bus!  My goal this year - well, at least when it's above 50 degrees outside - avoid carpool line which also means avoiding sometimes very angry policeman who is directing carpool traffic!

Boy has a bad cough so I may have to keep him home from school tomorrow.  Not really looking forward to that, because 2 kids is so much easier than 3 - WOW!  

Tonight, Boy asked me, "what is a stepmom?"  I'm glad that he did not know what that was, at age 6.  It was a sad thing to explain to him though. 

On a lighter note, Boy was talking to Sister (age 3) about underwear.  she said, "i wear panties, you wear underwear."  he said, "yeah, but you know what?  when you get older you will wear a different kind of underwear and it's called...undees."  i thought for sure he was going to say, "bra" or something but no, undees.

yogurt beard

the littlest one.  she's a mess!

thank you list

some of these single parent days leave my brain feeling deep-fried.

and that's when i know i need to make a thank you list and go to bed. 

God, thank you for days like this because they make me thankful for the many days when my husband is here.  thank you for days when the baby has a cold and is not sleeping well because it makes me appreciate the restful nights more.  thank you for the dead rat smell in my house because that means the rat poison is working.  thank you for candles.

thank you for the school bus.  thank you for air conditioning.  thank you that my salvation is a gift and not because of my works.  thank you for children's benadryl, coloring books, imaginations.

 

there once was a girl who loved dresses

 

There once was a girl who loved dresses.  it didn't matter if they were too tight, too big, or fit just right.  she would often change her dress 3 or 4 times a day.  the fancier, the better.  even though she had a drawer full of cute shorts and tops, she much preferred a dress.  she wanted to play outside in a dress, walk to the bus stop in a dress, and even sleep in a dress.  her mommy began to hide dresses from her.  but, she was a smart little girl and would sometimes get a dirty dress out of the hamper and put it on.  she also loved to wear a tiara.  she wore one everyday for a month.  she was 3.  the end.

Refrigerator Box Ride: a short story

when i was 5 years old, my family of 6 moved into a 2 story brick home.  my parents had bought 11 acres out in the middle of nowhere south carolina a few years before that and moved us out there to live in a trailer while the house was built right in front of us.
moving into a big home means you get lots of new appliances. it also means you get big boxes to play in. 
i have 3 brothers and i'm the third child of the bunch.  one day, my 2 older brothers thought it would be really fun to take the big refrigerator box and get in it themselves and make it roll down what we called, "the Cliff".  it was a place in the woods where the land made a significant drop - a slanted decline for about 30 feet. 
at least they told me they had gone down the Cliff in the big box - i can't really remember if they actually did or if they were just telling that to me and my younger brother to convince us to get in the box too and go for a ride.
"come on, it'll be fun!" they said.
i remember being not so sure.  but little brother and i got in and and closed the flaps of the box as best we could and before we knew it we were basically performing a sequence of forced cartwheels with a huge box around us.  when we reached the bottom of the cliff, i remember being out of the box with a bunch of dirt in my mouth.  i, of course, was extremely upset about the whole thing and especially about the dirt in my mouth.  i think all three of my brothers were laughing.  i walked up the cliff crying and found my dad in the yard about to cut grass or something.  i told him what happened, and he didn't really respond.  i guess at least he didn't laugh at me.  but that's all i remember and i'll never forget it.

sometimes i feel outnumbered

from the mouths of 6 year olds

favorite quotes from the mountain yesterday.  from the mouths of 6 year olds.

with a front seat on the skylift going down - "this is going to be very nervousing."

getting a tour of the other 6 year olds minivan.  "how much trash is in the back?"

made my day.

Verse

Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But that is not what God desires; rather, he devises ways so that a banished person does not remain banished from him.

 

2 Samuel 14:14

it's amazing what praising can do

dear lee,

it is a cold march day.  the three year old has a cold again and pink eye so i took her to the doctor again this morning.  in the past 4 weeks our family has accumulated 7 visits to a doctor's office - 5 were sick visits.  so, thank you for working so hard at your job so we can have decent health insurance.  i hope we can all get well soon!

my days are getting a little easier now that the baby seems to be okay with just one long nap in the afternoon.  and the boy gets off the bus at 3:45 - 30 minutes later than he used to.  now, if i can just get everybody to bed by 8:00.  it's really up to me to start the whole routine earlier.

the baby is a big hunk of sweetness and joy.  i love to watch her try to "run" away from me if she thinks i am going to get her.  she is still not sure about drinking from a cup and much prefers her bottle.

i listened to my sermon today - wow, it was just for me.  he talked about mary and martha with a focus on martha and the sin of self-pity.  and the truth that "it's amazing what praising can do."  kind of goes along with this verse:  "be joyful always.  pray continually.  give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18   and the theme of One Thousand Gifts.  which points the reader back to the last supper, the eucharist, Christ's attitude before enduring the cross.

so, i've been noticing that when i talk to you on the phone i tend to just complain and tell you  mostly unpleasant things.  and to be real, there have been many and i don't want to act like they're not there because that would be just fake.  but, there are also wonderful things happening and maybe this will help us enjoy them while they're happening while we are in this period of Waiting.  it seems like that - the Waiting Place where everyone is...

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

happy belated birthday, Dr. Seuss.  happy almost first birthday, little hunk of sweetness and joy.

don't forget to take your antibiotic - reminding myself too.

i leave you with some pics of this past winter.

love,
laura

one of the many snow days

 

 the girls first snow

dressed alike - phoebe really loves being "twins"

will doing fruit loop math.  he really loves math!  didn't get that from me!

for this day i have Jesus...

"for this day, 

i have Jesus, 

and he's enough."

a quote from sunday's sermon

for you, lee

here's some pics of baby cora, baby 3, cora cora, sweetheart.

she is six months old now and i'm pretty sure she's just started the awful part of teething - night screaming - every 30-45 minutes for a few hours.  i could live without that.  but, i couldn't live without her! smiley face.  lights up when she sees a person - any person.

 just smilin'

 always on my tummy

 with the fam

 with my sibs

 they want to be like me

i want to be like them

 i wanna take a bite out of you!

 hey, look.  it's lee and baby lee.

 with my sis.  she drinks a lot.  no worries, it's just juice.  well, it's mostly water, but don't tell her that.

where did all my hair go?  

whatever, i'm still a beauty.

today's top 5

1.  will came home with his frog - which means he had a good day at school.

2.  everyone slept through the night, including me

3.  we had special company for dinner!

4.  will started on his homework right when he walked in the door from school and finished all 5 worksheets - his homework for the week!  his idea.  wow - we've come a long way in a few weeks.

5.  i made it to the grocery store with the girls and it was pleasant

a prayer for my family of little ones:

God, give us the sleep that we need and the grace that we need each day to live with each other in peace.

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..." Hebrews 12:2

Apart from you, i can do nothing.  John 15:5

Through you, i can do all things.   Philippians 4:13

if you want to learn patience, use a VCR

if you want to learn patience, use a VCR.

if you want to feel clean, go a couple of days in the summer without a shower, then take one.

if you want to simplify your life and finally get organized, have 3 kids under the age of 5 and a husband who travels for work.  it may take a few months - like, close to a year - but you'll get there.  i'm getting there.

oh, and if you need to feel some serious happiness, find a fat baby with a gummy grin.  oh, it'll work every time.

"if your mind isn't clouded by unnecessary things, this is the best season of your life"
WU-MEN
a quote from the book Organized Simplicity by Tsh Oxenreider

my middle child

dear ms. phoebe,

you are now a middle child.
you are Loving.
you are Smart.
you are potty trained.
you sleep in a big girl bed.
that's one of your favorite things to tell people - "i sleep in my big girl bed at night!"
"i two my olds!" means "i'm two years old!" 
daddy and i think that is so cute and we are not about to correct you!
i've recently figured out that you like soft vegetables.  you like canned beets!

you draw attention wherever you go.  and you are quiet.  that's power, little girl!
you are 2 going on 20.
you love to swing.
mosquitoes love you, unfortunately.
you are a mess.

i don't know what i would do without you.

mommy

my little Jackson Pollock

dear will,

it's hard to believe just a year ago, you would not even color.

turns out, you just don't prefer crayons.

you don't like to "color".  you like to draw.  with marker, pencil, and sidewalk chalk.

a few weeks ago you wanted to chalk the driveway.  it was raining so i let you chalk in the garage.  guess what you are drawing?  trains.  you draw mostly trains, very long trains - filling up the whole length of our driveway.  you've started drawing trucks, cars, delivery trucks and occasionally you will draw something different like a dinosaur or the latest Bible story you learned at sunday school.

i love your art and seeing you chalk on the ground reminds me so much of one of my favorite artists, Jackson Pollack as he "paints".

"there is no accident ... there is no beginning and no end."

"because a painting has a life of it's own - i kind of let it live."

thank you for helping me remember that i love art.